So, there it is. Another night of more weird dreams. This time I dreamt of my aunt, or one of them. She was the one I felt closest to growing up, but due to some family squabbles and side-taking, I haven't seen her in ages. (That's not just a blog post, but probably a whole book of drama right there...)
But I had a dream where I had a secret spy mission and ended up at my aunt's house. Kind of. You know how dream logic goes.
Inside it was familiar turf, but not quite, if that makes sense. There were cubbyholes and secret entrances, and loads of decor for my eyes to take in.
For some reason I went to take a shower in her private bath, and it was elaborate with engravings and paintings all over. I remember a huge glass door by the shower with Art Deco accents.
Then my cousins showed up and we began to argue. In real life we never really argued, except some light or silly bickering, but this was intense, angry, full of hurt.
I think I felt I needed to get away from the bad feelings, so I woke up, but still was yearning to go back and explore and maybe run into my aunt, try and explain that I got pulled into taking my mom's side, even if I didn't 100 percent agree with it, or understand it entirely.
I still don't.
I've been dreaming of family a lot lately, though. People I want to see but just can't find. The aunt who's somewhere else and I'm hoping I can just talk to her.
Or me planning to help my mother move but complications keep tumbling into the way.
Or I'm trying to find my father and he's so distant. In one way he's around the corner, yet far away. I keep forgetting his phone number or wondering why he never wants to call me.
All of these people have been gone from my life for a while. The aunt, through the family rift. My father died in 1989. My mother died nearly two years ago, but she'd long been more "absent" and not her old self due to her dementia.
The dreams are kind of comforting, though, maybe a traveling to memories and impressions of the past. I just wish I had more time to talk sometimes rather than just being assaulted by details and missed opportunities.
How about you? Are your dreams vivid? Do you dream of people you've lost?